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I always have been, and it's more than likely that I always will be. I'm not even ashamed of it. Because I know that real life isn't all sunshine and roses and fairytale endings. Hell, it isn't even like that more than a quarter of the time. But here's the thing: Disney represents the good things in life. Love, trust, forgiveness. Those feeling's we're afraid to take a chance on in case we get screwed over. Which, maybe sometimes, is a smart idea. But isn't it better to give kids hope for the happy things in life than exposing them to depressives so young? Showing them that if you work hard at something, you'll get something for it, in the end? That there's someone out there for you, that'll maybe have a hope of understanding and supporting you through all the shit that life has to throw at us?

And look at it this way. We all have our dragons to face. Our curses to break. Sometimes it's nice to think that there's someone out there who's faced worse and come through it ok. Even if that someone isn't quite real, they're probably based on someone who is. Someone who got their "happily ever after", in whatever form it takes.

(Yes, I squealed my way through Enchanted again. Like I say, I'm not even sorry. :D LO, come back!! I miss you like hell, girlie.)
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So I wrote and posted for the first time in over a year (it was on [ profile] anon_lovefest , but it still counts), and it wasn't horrific! It was, however, angst. ??? And it wasn't even Panic! angst. I don't know, my brain, sometimes. *sigh*
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...I think the contact of one of our suppliers is possibly e-flirting with me?? Or else my aunt.  :S :S :S
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Well, I always was a little old for my age. I'm making a pact today, that I'm going to pick myself up, stop existing and start living. So my escape from reality is gone. That only means that I have to stand my ground. Keltie Colleen, you will never read this but you are a ridiculous inspiration to me in all my doings, so thank you.

1. Time to get fit. Rugby once a week is not enough to keep off my asthma, I can feel it coming back. Plus, the dogs are getting fat. So long walks and happy endorphins!

2. I am not getting a second job for what's left of the summer. I'll try again once I get to Cardiff - I'll have to, a meal every day and a half or so is not an option this time around - but every rejection I get is spiralling me down further, and this is going too far. So my search is officially over for the moment, unless Mam nags me again one too many times.

3. I'm going to try and cut back on the Internet things. I'm pretty much dependant right now, and it's becoming more real to me than real life. It's an addiction, so I'm pretty sure it's not going to be easy, and I don't think I'd be able to go cold turkey, but I'm cutting back.

4. Going to go out more with friends. I miss JA a ridiculous amount when I don't see her for a couple of weeks, and I really need to try and keep in contact with MC and LMC. I suck as a friend lately. Also, LO, babe, I'mma resort to texting you and using up your valuable credit soon. Seriously, codependant.

5. And probably most important - it's time to stop beating up on myself. I am an awesome person - maybe not the prettiest or the cleverest or the funniest, but I am freaking kind and smart and goddamnit, I can be interesting if I put my mind to it. So this is me, getting over my self esteem issues. Probably to the extent that I will soon be an annoying boaster, but I have faith in the people around me to kick me back down to Earth if I need it. I need to love myself the way I love other people. Maybe not quite one of the Ten Commandments, but I reckon getting to the point where I don't care whether I live or die is probably far worse than having a good view of myself.

This is not me caving on my personality and my morals. I'm not going to get myself out of this by succumbing to things that I don't believe in. I am not Ryan Ross, going from straightedge to coke. I'm ready to stop second guessing myself now.
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I seriously think this is the best thread I've read in a long time. People today have some sense of entitlement, huh?


Jun. 26th, 2009 12:31 pm
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Ok, see, now that's freaky. I literally just - just, as in 1 minute 30 seconds ago - decided to look up the lyrics to this awesome song I heard yesterday or the day before, that I hadn't got the name or artist of. It turned out to be Jason Mraz feat. Colbie Calleit with a song called lucky. I log out of the website after getting the song name and guess what comes on the radio??
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I don't know whether to laugh or cry at the fact that my life reminds me of an Alannis Morrisette song. :S

What it all comes down to
Is that I haven´t got it all figured out just yet
I´ve got one hand in my pocket
And the other is giving the peace sign
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So, last but by no means least, [personal profile] lady_deathangel 's "in your eyes (beauty be found)". Brendon/Ryan, highschool crossdressing. This was the second one I beta'd, and before I read it, I wasn't too gone on it, simply because I'm really not a Brendon/Ryan by themselves fan. But I adored reading this, even though I'm pretty sure I drove the author crazy with how long it took me to get back to her, and my rambling off into other topics when I did email back. I love how vulnerable but still super-strong Brendon is in this, and how Ryan is so freaking messed up and doesn't even know it. It's always weird to read Panic high school AUs, because the scenarios could easily be an alternate history. This one defined itself as an actual AU really early on, which was brilliant for me, considering I tend to get confused.
(She also wrote me the loveliest beta thank you ever. Seriously.)

I'm actually really ridiculously relieved that they're all up now. I can't imagine how the authors themselves feel. :D
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I am totally in the mood for office AUs at the moment and I have no idea why, so reading this was a huge pleasure. [ profile] elleheartsyou 's Dreaming of Manhattan, my third Big Bang beta. Jon/Spencer and Brendon/Ryan, whereby Spencer works in Decaydance Records, Pete's - as in RL - music producing company. Complete AU, not a twist or what if, but still very very awesome. I love the little glimpse of normality which isn't very normal, and aside from GSF and Brendon/Spencer, I have a soft spot for Jon and Spencer, so I definitely loved how adorable this was.

In other news, LO is home, and I'm stuck at work! :( Not cool.

Ooh, Spencer Reid in the moodtheme! Wtf is it with me and guys with the name Spencer? Excepting your manno from what's-it-called, The Hills, of course.


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